When sad, serve your dad! Six simple steps to help ease anxiety and depression for you and your teens.

Here is a little story that I think both adults and teens alike can relate to and learn from. 

The other day I got a text from my 16 year old daughter that basically conveyed her feelings of self doubt, inadequacy and an overall feeling of “looserness”…if that is a word.  

It broke my heart that someone I love so much could think so lowly about herself.  Then I remembered times I felt the same way when I was younger…and truth be told as a young adult, new mother, and even middle aged woman.  Heck I’m sure even when I’m gray and hunched over I’ll find myself having a hard day now and then!  

I think we all go through periods of self doubt.  It seems to be a normal human cycle of emotions to go through.  

We see people on social media “living their best lives” and wonder why we don’t have that, aren’t able to do that, feel uglier than, our homes aren’t as clean as or they would never like someone like me cause they have XYZ.  

It’s time like these that I refer to the book “Everyone Poops”. What does that have to do with this you ask?  Well it’s simple, even those picture perfect Instagram perfection peeps poop!  And man, I bet they stink as bad as yours! In fact I guarantee that sometimes they even have diarrhea!  Talk about ew! But wait, so do you! 

Truth is friends we all have times we feel less than, nobody is exempt from that unfortunately!  But the truth is we all have the power to push those negative dark thoughts away and rise above them.  Yes!  You have the power to rise above anything and everything placed before you!  And yes! You have the power to help your children rise above their negative dark thoughts too!  

How, you ask?  Here are some simple steps I take and what I share with my kiddos and teens when they share their feelings with me, or when I find myself in the doldrums.

• First say a little internal prayer that Heavenly Father will guide your words and open your ears to say the right things and hear the heart of what’s going on.  Remember these beautiful kiddos were given to you from Him who knows them better than any of us on this earth!  He knows you have just what this kiddo needs to get them through life.  Have faith in your gift as a parent!  
•  Start by thanking them for sharing how they feel with you.  Guys these teens face a crap ton of nasty all day everyday!  There is a lot happening in their hormonal bodies and a good portion of their moods influences them to be cool and not talk to their parents.  If your kiddo comes to you to share an experience or thought PLEASE stop everything and give them a listening ear.  Encourage future gab sessions by listening and thanking them for sharing!  Let them be vulnerable with you or they will be vulnerable with the wrong people! 
• Ask them what’s been going on lately to make them feel so low about themselves, generally they will say “I dunno” or shrug their shoulders, and they honestly won’t know most of the time.  And that’s okay.  If you feel promoted to walk through their last few days with them you can or stop and listen to what the spirit guides you to next.  
• Help them realize that how we spend our time has a big impact on how we feel.  Are they spending too much time on social media, TV, video games or other types of entertainment?  Are they too hyper focused on one thing or another?  Yes, school work can be included in that.  When we spend too much time on one thing and not enough time with a balanced life we will lose ourselves. When was the last time they prayed?  When was the last time they read their scriptures?  Or did anything to help them remember their divine identity as a son or daughter of God.  

My daughter once asked me why I go to those steps first every time we have this talk.  These steps of praying and immersing ourselves in the scriptures may seem too simple or have nothing to do with what they are experiencing.  But I promise as we stop to talk with God about our feelings, then give the opportunity to hear Him through studying His words, we will find the peace and answers we need to conquer any of life's challenges.  Sometimes it may take more time than others, be patient and it will come.  

• “When sad, serve your dad”!  This was my husband's quippy response to my daughter.  It’s silly but has a lot of truth.  Many times when we find ourselves feeling down and low a good portion of the time comes from too much time with ourselves and not enough time serving others.  

Now I am not diminishing episodes of depression and major anxiety, those are very real! I have had times in my life where depression took over and I needed to seek medical treatment and or therapy to get better.  If you find that these steps are not working for you or your child please don’t hesitate to get help.  It’s okay and sometimes very warranted.  However most of the time these simple steps help and will break that negative cycle.  Back to serving,  help your child or yourself to find some simple ways to serve others.  You can find some great ideas here if you are coming up short.  

I read through a study conducted by the University of British Columbia where they gave a group of older participants with high blood pressure money.  For three consecutive weeks they were given $40 to spend.  Half were told to buy something for themselves and half were told to spend the money for someone else.  They could donate the money to charity, buy a gift for another person or use the money in some way to benefit someone else.    At the end of the three weeks their blood pressure was taken again.  The half that were told to spend the money on others found that their blood pressure, both systolic and diastolic, had significantly decreased as opposed to the other half of the participants spending money on themselves.  In fact the drop in blood pressure was equal to the drop found in those that change their diets and add high-frequency exercise to their routine!  

 There are many studies that have shown similar results, that when we serve there is a physical effect to our bodies that enhances and adds to the longevity of our mortality.  If just the simple act of serving someone else can produce positive physical effects, then won’t it have the same power to lift our mood and help us remember who we are and find our purpose to keep pushing forward?  

There is power in serving and it does not have to be spending money or doing grand big gestures.  It can simply be giving a listening ear, saying hello, smiling at others, saying thank you or even just complimenting.  Start where you can, encourage your child to start where they can and keep going.  

• Is your child keeping a gratitude journal? Are you?  When I see my kids starting to spiral into negative thoughts and behaviors, I challenge my kids to start writing at least one thing a day in their journal that they were grateful for that day.   To start it can be hard to break that negative thought pattern they are stuck in.  Help them to break their day down if needed and see the good in it.  It will be something simple so look through it with them with open eyes.  As they get going and get in the habit they will find it easier to recognize the good in their lives.  Having an attitude of gratitude is powerful!  There is a quote I love from David Steindl Rast “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful”.  By giving gratitude we slowly find our hearts changing and our joy increasing.  How can you be in the doldrums if you have joy in  your heart?  

There are many ways to help your child through their inner emotional battles.  Help them to know they are not alone in their feelings.  Be there for them and try to remember what it was like for you when you battle your own inner demons.  I hope these six simple steps help you and your teens find the path to bring light and joy back and move forward.  

If you would like more watch for my up-coming ebook, “Spillin the Tea with My Teen” found on my website rememberlylane.com.  

Thank you for reading to the end, and following me on this journey to create a happy home.  Please be sure to subscribe to get updates, discounts and more.